People of sensitive disposition - DON'T READ THIS

It’s amazing what Tesco can do these days
One day, leaning on the bar, Jack says to Mike
"My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a Doctor!"
"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Mike replies.
"there's a new diagnostic computer at Tesco Pharmacy. Just give it a urine
sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about
it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid.....a lot quicker and
better than a doctor and you get Club card points".
So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco. He
deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine
sample.
He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the
computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
activity. It will improve in two weeks".
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack
began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water,
a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and
the cat, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurried
back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen. He deposits five pounds,
pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.
The computer printed the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener from hardware section.
2) Your cat's having kittens. Get a vet
3) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo from our pet
section.
4) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
5) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer, call our
legal services.
6) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better.
Thank you for shopping at Tesco.